Honest Emotions Part 3 / HEAVEN / 浜崎あゆみ

Honest Emotions Part 3

Then I started reading the Bible on my own and was totally tripped up by Psalms. Repeatedly David expressed his heartfelt confusion: “God, I don’t understand this, how can you treat me this way? How can you allow this? Why do the righteous suffer while the wicked prosper? Help me understand this!”. David. “a man after God’s own heart”, certainly had no God-decreed – it so don’t ask questions mindset” (see Ps 73).

What I’ve learned is that often these authentic outpourings of frustration, or even anger, are necessary steps on the path to wholeness. The cathartic process of pouring our heart out to the Lord, of emptying ourselves of pent-up emotions and unanswered questions, opens the way for insight and understanding.

The same thing happens to us that so often happened to the psalmist. After the outburst comes the renewed perspective. The lights go on. We realize anew that in spite of the heartache or the unanswered questions. God is still God. There is still hope. We still matter to Him. The Holy Spirit still lives in us. The Bible is still true. The church is still intact. Heaven still waits. And in that we can rejoice.

What does it mean for the sexually abused women described at the beginnings of this part?, it means she can proud her clenched fists on the table and scream., “God, why didn’t you stop my father? Why’d you let him hurt me again and again?, if you’ re a loving God, how could you stand to watch it happen? Are you so powerless you couldn’t do anything about it? Or are you simply not there at all?”

For a woman as violently abused as that woman was, those are inevitable questions. Emotional authenticity demands that she ask them. And it demands that she ask them over and over again, for however long it takes her to reestablish genuine faith in God. If she doesn’t, she’ll become an inauthentic Christian who goes through the motions of believing in God, but has no inner confidence in His power of His love.

If you were look in my journal, you would find my frustrations, fears, and questions spilled all over its pages. But you’d also find a written record of the assurances and promises of God has given to me in return. The day after my Mother and Father deaths, I poured out my fear to the Lord. I knew I was facing the greatest ministry challenges I had ever faced. How could I face them without the person who had been my greatest cheerleader, the one who had always made me believe I could “handle anything”? God answered my heart’s cry by assuring me that of I would abide in Him. He would become my encourage. He would make me strong.

The third step is to discuss our pain, our disappointment, or our heartache with someone else. I can’t tell you how many times people have approached me at church, with tears in their eyes, to tell me something they’ve “never told anyone before”. Haltingly, they report a childhood incident that still haunts them and makes them feel fearful and insecure. Or they tell how disappointed they are with their marriage, and how they’ve been trying to deny the disappointment and pretend everything is okay.

They finish they story and say, “I don’t know why, but I feel better now, maybe no I can talk to my husband or my wife, or my friend, or my small group leader about this”.

There is healing power in sharing our hurts with someone else. There’s release, a catharsis, that makes the burden seem lighter. Sometimes just having someone affirm the legitimacy of our pain eases it a little. There’s also the obvious benefit of receiving guidance from those with whom we share. Overwhelming issues suddenly become manageable when a friend offers an insight or suggest a course of action we hadn’t thought of.

At times, however, our friends can’t help enough. That brings me to my last point. Sometimes our unfinished business is so weighty and emotionally debilitating that we need to seek professional help.

That was true of each people described in the first pages of this part. The victim of sexual abuse had experienced such extreme violation that is taken years of intense therapy to heal the damage. The other woman had created such a convincing image of toughness and invincibility that only a trained counselor could trace her uncontrollable tears to years of buried grief. And only a person trained to deal with compulsive behaviors could uncover the unmet needs driving the successful businessman to overeat himself into obesity.

God doesn’t ask to spirituality these and other painful realities away. Certainly the healing process requires divine interventions and spiritual growth. And often loving family and friends can provide the human support and wisdom we need. But there are times when competent Christian counselors can provide the necessary blend of spiritual and psychological perspectives. They can help us uncover and understand significant events in our past. And they can help us resolve tensions and initiate more positive relationships with significant people in our lives.

A PERSONAL CRUSADE

I am particularly concerned about the issue if sexual abuse because it is so much more common, and so much destructive, than most people realize. Several years ago I gave a message on sexual abuse and was deluged with letters from women who said, “That was me, you were talking about. Please help me!”.

The ramifications of childhood sexual abuse are too numerous to examine fully here, but I want to list six of the most significant ones.

1. Hatred toward the offender. This often escalates after the abuse cases, and the victim reflects not only on what was, but on what should have been. Over time, it commonly expands into a more general kind of rage directed at society and God.

2. Mistrust of other people, particularly male authority figures. These women learned at a young age that when they submitted to men, they were abused. This often causes them to be generally rebellious.

3. Guilt. Even though they were the victims, they often feel cheap and dirty.

4. Poor Self-Esteem. They feel stained. When they look at others they think, “If you knew the truth about me….”

5. Diminished desire for sexual activity in marriage. For years, every touch was like a branding iron. How can it suddenly be experienced as pleasurable?

6. Dependence on drugs and alcohol. How do you deal with a twenty four hours a day nightmare? You do whatever you can do to escape from the memories.

It’s obvious why counseling is required to help women work through ramifications like these, and these are only a few of the possible negative results. If you know anyone who has experienced sexual abuse, please encourage them to talk with an experienced Christian counselor.

BACK TO PAUL

Paul’s call to a life of rejoicing doesn’t mean a life a cheap slogans and bumper sticker solutions. Authentic Christianity gives us room to honestly deal with the heartache in our lives by acknowledging it, pouring it out to the Lord, and sharing it with friends and counselors.

But the last step still remain – to find in every situation, no matter how distressing, that little bit of reality that’s worthy of praise. In that the true child of God can authentically rejoice.

I can’t end this part without urging those of you with buried pain to step out in faith. Begin to process the pain in the ways I described in this part. Jesus said, “So, if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36). God wants you to be free from the inner turmoil that haunts you.

Why not decide right now to take steps toward emotional healing? Its possible your journey will take you through the valley – that you’ll dredge up pain you think is too great to bear. But as hard as it is, it’s a price worth paying. It’s the only path to the freedom of emotional authenticity.